I’ve been seeing a lot of clients lately that all have a version of the same pattern in common; in some way or another, they’ve each left themselves. This pattern is super common and most of us aren’t conscious we’re even doing this.
So, first of all, let me say, I understand. I, too, have struggled with this, and am making the journey back to myself. There are times when it’s easier than others, and other times, like as I write this, where I find myself struggling with something that might appear small, but is really big when we look at the fact that we are enough just as we are. That’s worth repeating:
YOU are enough, just as you are.
Please take a moment to take that in before you continue reading. <3
So, with that, to understand what this pattern looks like, it’s important to understand why this pattern occurs.
Many times, this pattern shows up as a result of being left as a child. This can occur in many forms, which can include everything from a parent leaving physically, emotionally or both to experiencing trauma or abuse (where we leave ourselves by escaping in our mind/imagination to survive and we assume that we did something wrong) to moments that appear more minor. Examples of this can include having a moment where you think your parents aren’t going to come home (even though they just went to the store) to where you are wanting/trying to be like your parents (which can translate to you leaving you when trying to fit in as a teenager, and then as an adult) to even just if we’ve grown up with critical parents.
All of the above in some way or another have a strong, subconscious element in common; we assume we did something wrong and/or we’re not good enough just as we are.
And, while this isn’t true, it’s very understandable. I know when my dad left, while I wouldn’t realize this until decades later, I had assumed I had done something wrong and that was the reason he had left. And, for many years, I choose not to really look at this, another version of leaving myself, because it was just too painful to look at and acknowledge.
So, what does this tend to look like, as we go out in the adult world?
It can be everything from getting made fun of (and maybe even subconsciously thinking they’re right) or on the opposite end, making fun of another to leaving yourself in your relationships. Examples of this can include where you’ve done something that didn’t feel right to you just because you didn’t know how to say no/wanted to be liked to not stating a preference that you knew you had to allowing people to treat you in ways that don’t respect you.
So, how do we begin the process of returning to ourselves?
One of my favorite tools (besides energy clearing! :)) to shift this is to start to tune into your wants and needs at all times. We don’t realize how many times we’re more focused on others and what they want and need versus what’s important to us. But you can easily begin to shift this by checking in with yourself several times per day with questions like:
How am I feeling right now?
What do I want/need right now?
If I was being true to myself right now, how would I respond to this?
Sounds pretty simple, right? It totally is, and the key to it is the continuity – and not leaving yourself during the practice. 😉
With that, I’d love to know:
Do you see yourself in a version of the above, and if so, do you see yourself making a shift? Simply reply to this email and let me know!
In the meantime, I hope you have a wonderful holiday weekend!