Three Ways We Try to Have Control in Our Lives
I want to talk to you about the ways we protect ourselves. For me, I’m noticing that, many times, to try to protect myself or keep myself safe, I try to determine an outcome before I step forward. For example, if I’m putting my work out to a group, I’ll try to figure out if they’ll say yes and even think that if I word something a specific way or say too much/too little, this can have an impact. This gets magnified with being super intuitive, as I’m constantly trying to read the energy, and with this, the outcome. The truth is, though, this is a version of trying to feel in control/trying to control an outcome, and this is a way I try to protect myself from failure and rejection, but in the process, I can be protecting myself from the magic and miracles that The Universe has in store for me.
Another way this shows up is when we protect ourselves from growth and getting help. Many times, when we’re growing up, and even as an adult, we develop a subconscious defense to protect ourselves from hurt. This defense then plays out as us showing up as “know-it-alls” and not being able to ask for help. If you’ve ever said “I’ve got this.” or “I already knew that.” (I know I have!), the above may apply to you. With this, though, we block ourselves from human connection and from getting the help we so desperately need and deserve.
A third way this shows up is by filling the space. This happens when we find ourselves struggling or upset by something. Instead of sitting with this pain, though, we try to fill it with “doing.” We work on our business. We focus on our children and their projects. We try to distract ourselves with Social Media, exercise or other activities. In essence, we push outward as opposed to going inward. Anything to not feel what’s truly up for ourselves, and while it may not be as obvious as the other two, this is definitely another way we protect ourselves.
So, what do we do with these walls and this defense that we’ve put up? How do we let go and surrender, without being a victim in our reality?
1. Practice the art of not knowing and not needing to know.
This one is a really hard one for me, but over and over, I keep choosing to let go of the ways I feel safe by reading the energy and trying to determine if it’s going to “work out” the way I want it to. As part of this, I am starting to say, “I don’t know, and I don’t need to know.” (If this doesn’t feel true for you, I’d ask yourself why it’s not true. What are you scared of?)
2. Allow yourself to receive help and stay open to other’s advice and guidance.
When we come in from a defensive standpoint, we block ourselves from receiving the help we need. So, it’s important to practice letting go, and when someone offers you help, even if you know you can do it yourself, and even bigger, if it might be easier to do it yourself, practice accepting the help. This can make a lifetime of difference to letting your walls down and receiving help when you couldn’t go it alone. For me, too, when someone is offering me advice, I check-in to see if what they’re saying can help me, and I practice staying open as they are sharing. As a result, I keep growing, I take constructive criticism and implement it immediately, and when it’s not true for me, I stay in gratitude for the help being offered.
While this is part of #1 and #2, this involves going even deeper into the not knowing. This involves letting go. And most importantly, this involves having faith. This one is especially important when you’re going through rough times, and you find yourself not trusting and wanting to control and manipulate what is happening in your world.
And, if you’ve been struggling or feel yourself trying to fend off bad things from happening, I invite you to join me on today’s Truth Talk Radio where I’ll be talking more about what’s up in the universal energy right now, why things are just falling apart and how this energy is serving us for our highest good.