This past month brought me to my knees. With everything from a car accident to getting audited and many things in between, life was making me its bitch. 🙂 In all seriousness, though, I was really struggling, and I found myself at times, shaking and scared to leave my house. And, I think it’s in the times when we’re going through hard times when it can be most noticeable how alone we are, especially if you’re single.
As part of this rough time, it hit me hard that I felt ashamed to be single. Having done the hard work to truly love myself and clear my negative love patterns, I had to ask myself, “Why isn’t he here yet?”
And, what I realized was:
The Universe sometimes has a different plan and timeline than we do.Â
For me, with this, came a prime opportunity to go to the next level of surrender and detachment. You see, for years, I had played out different versions of wanting to know, thinking I knew, not knowing, but still feeling “safe”, feeling the presence of another’s energy, and this month called me to the realization that there are no guarantees, I don’t know, nor do I need to know and the next step in my journey is to get comfortable in the open space, (i.e- trusting), which is a very strong feminine practice.Â
So, that’s what I started doing. Every time I would go to “read” the energy on something related to my partner, I would stop. Every time I would see the man I’ve been seeing around me energetically for months, I would stop. Instead, I just sat in the space. Many times, it was extremely painful. I was scared – scared that if I didn’t know, try to control or “do” something, he wouldn’t come in.
But then something happened. I got comfortable in the space and, with this, I felt my desire to know – who this person is and when he’s going to be here – lessening. It was liberating, especially since I’ve been playing out a version of this pattern for years.Â
I also began working on how alone I initially felt. Prior to this, for about a month, the loneliness I was feeling was palpable. And, while I know good and well that unless I wanted to keep recreating this experience over and over that I needed to change my story, I couldn’t stop myself. There was something that felt good in being able to tell this story over and over. It was even a place I could rest in, even though I didn’t truly want it.Â
But, I finally made a choice to choose out of it. What did this look like?Â
The first part was a conscious choice to tell a different story. I started to notice that I wasn’t alone at all. I noticed all the friends and family that were in my life, people that were reaching out to check on me, make plans and help me.Â
I also started to make plans with people I enjoyed, from calls to getting together and everything-in-between.Â
And, that’s when the magic started happening. People I hadn’t seen or heard from in years started reaching out to me, including some that weren’t on my radar and some whose radar I didn’t think I was on.Â
With that, came the closing of July. And, as I reflected on this month’s hardships, I realized everything I had gone through had helped propel me higher, farther, faster. The best way I can describe it, as it’s shown to me, is I see a dip in my life, and then it looks like I’m rocketing into space. And, this, my friends, is what every challenging moment gives us the opportunity to own.Â
To open space that rockets you into space,Â
Deb
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