With the celebrating of Father’s Day, this past week was an emotional one for me.
It started with getting a card for my dad. As I stood in the Walgreens picking out a card (which, by the way, had me laughing at the lack of realness found in cards nowadays), it hit me.
For the first time ever, all I felt towards my dad was love. No anger. No hurt. No resentment. Just love.
As this feeling rushed through me, I felt my heart swell and tears flooding my eyes.
Holy crap. This was a big one.
For as long as I can remember, I withheld love from him for the pain I had experienced when I was a kid, and no matter what he did now, I wasn’t going to give him all of my love, that is, until now.
As I wrote the words, “I love you, Dad, and I’m grateful you’re my dad,” I realized this was complete, though. I felt all of this love filling my heart, love that I wanted to share with him and give to him fully and wholeheartedly.
So, this is what true forgiveness feels like? Hell yeah!!
I couldn’t believe I had done it, and I felt overwhelmed with pride, joy and excitement. (If you had told me when I started this journey, that I would feel this free, I don’t know that I would have believed you.)
The above was coupled with a visit to my grandpa for Father’s Day. His health is declining, and it’s a tough pill to swallow. He’s my last living grandparent, and my grandparents have played such a crucial role in my life.
The day itself was a beautiful one. We sat outside for most of the day. (My grandpa is always cold, even in 90 degree weather with a sweater and jacket on. Yes, it is adorable.)
We ate, talked a bit (These days our conversations can be limited, with his mind going.) and listened to music.
My favorite part of the day was dancing with him outside and him twirling me, which was his suggestion, and then him almost falling over multiple times.
But, at the end of it all, it’s hard. It’s hard to see him declining. It’s hard to know that these are the last years of his life. And, each time, it’s always hard to say goodbye, not knowing when it will be our last time.
I treasure these moments, though, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
Whatever your version of this, I hope you had a wonderful Father’s Day with your family and treasure the time you have with your loved ones.
We really are blessed on this journey.