How to Have Hard Conversations

Lately, I’ve been having the awareness around how much I love having hard conversations. 

To be honest, I don’t even want to call them “hard conversations”—not because they aren’t challenging at times, but because just labeling them that way automatically creates a heightened response in our bodies and makes them wrong before we’ve even gotten started.

That being said, while it wasn’t always this way for me, (Growing up with an abandonment pattern, I was unintentionally conditioned to be agreeable and to never express my differences for fear, subconsciously, of someone leaving me if I did.), the awareness that has specifically been coming through for me is how much I enjoy these types of conversations, if done with someone who respects me, is kind and can hold space for me (and vice versa).

While it’s a definite practice leaning into the intensity that these conversations hold, there is something really beautiful that can occur when we are free to speak our truth from the heart with no judgment, and even better, we are met there. This is especially important, as so much of our old patterning can be having these conversations in our heads, worrying about another’s response to our truth. 

One example of this in my own life was something I was challenged with recently with another being. While I initially avoided it because I knew I wasn’t ready to talk to him about it, when it did finally come to a head, I met it head-on (no pun intended :)) and requested a conversation with him.

As I did this, I heard my Guides say, “He’s going to hold space for you, so let him, okay?”

And, when we did talk, that’s exactly what he did. I shared how the situation we were in had impacted me, and he sympathized with me. Most importantly, he listened, and I felt heard. Then, he shared his experience, too. 

And, the most important key:  What I thought was going to be an awkward and “hard” conversation, turned into a conversation with mutual respect that brought us closer, not farther apart. 

With this, it showed me the potential in all of my relationships, especially my love partnership. 

That being said, here’s how I recommend having these:

  1. Set aside a time to talk about what’s bothering you. (Don’t ambush them or vice versa.) (If this is a relationship you’re in, when you’re not hurting or triggered, discuss how you’re going to have these types of conversations.)
  2. Then, when you do talk, come in with an open mind and heart. With this, establish who’s going to talk first. Then, let that person speak and say everything they need to say. 
  3. Once they’ve spoken, can you sympathize or emphasize with them? If so, let them know you understand how they might feel the way they feel about each point they mentioned, assuming this is true for you. 
  4. When you’re ready, repeat #2 and #3, with the other person speaking. 
  5. Finally, when both parties have said what they need to say, come to a resolution. What do you both want to come from this? What would you like to see moving forward? Share and decide next steps. 

Simple as that, right?! 😉

In all seriousness, I’ll leave you with three important final thoughts when it comes to having hard conversations:

  1. Make sure the person you’re desiring to have this conversation with is as in and open to these as you are. (There’s nothing worse than pouring your heart out to someone who could care less or who can’t meet you where you are.)
  2. Know that getting comfortable with hard conversations takes practice. This is not a one-and-done thing and what you’re doing is practicing leaning into the intensity and rewiring your body, so it’s okay if you don’t get this right on the first, second, or even third, try. 
  3. Know that, when you do this, if you can commit to doing this regularly when something upsets you and you can both stay open, which may be easier said than done, this will enable your relationship to keep growing and expanding.

And, this, my friends, is always our true state of being and what hard conversations were always meant for.

To “hard” conversations becoming easier,
Deb

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