I’ve been thinking a lot about perfection lately and how it relates to how we show up in relationship. Do you ever think that if you had just had the perfect outfit (or whatever your version of this is) or said just the right thing THAT would have made all of the difference in getting or keeping that guy or girl?
I’ve been there, too, and I now know the truth is the best way to get and keep a partner is to be yourself (unless you’re with someone who isn’t being themselves, which I’m sure you can inherently see where the problem is there).
So, what stops us from being us and what are the ways we can really honor ourselves to attract the right relationship?
Personally, one of the biggest patterns of this that I see in my clients of is being off-center.
What do I mean by this?
To me, it means not being centered in yourself, your truth and what you need. You’re looking to someone else for approval and to love you in the hopes that you’ll really get the validation you need to truly love yourself.
Guess what, though?!
You’re focused on the wrong thing.
It’s not about getting that guy or girl.
IT IS ABOUT LOVING AND HONORING YOU.
So, what can you do to start to change this conditioning, especially when all of the messages you’ve heard have been about “Good guys/girls being hard to find.” and that we need to “Get married before all of the good ones are gone/while you’re still ‘young’.”
One of the biggest things I recommend is, when you notice yourself focused on what someone else needs, to recenter in yourself.
What does this look like?
To me, it means refocusing on what you want and need in that moment. As part of this, it’s important to recenter in your truth. So, instead of focusing on what they need, ask:
If this person wasn’t here, what would I choose?
What do I want right now?
What’s really true for me in this moment?
While it’s important to factor in your partner’s needs, you don’t want a partner who relies completely on you to feel good about themselves, so why show up that way?
And, if you’re looking to really ground in yourself and to learn what true self-love looks like, I’d love to have a conversation with you. Head here to schedule a Complimentary Call with me.
To you!
Deb