With everything that’s going on right now, it can be easy to get swept into the events of the day or past months, for that matter.
Many of you know that I lost my mom when I was seventeen, and this time is reminding me, in some ways, though on a bigger scale, of my time as a teenager when she was sick. This was an extremely rough time in my life, as the person I loved most was struggling. Only then, I didn’t have the tools or awarenesses to, first and foremost, cope with what was happening, and understandably, put myself first and not get swept away in my mom’s reality, making it my own. (I wouldn’t recognize until decades later that I was an empath, so doing this was a natural part of my patterning.)
These days, though, I feel my mom as a guide to me, and over the last few weeks, she has been strongly guiding me to share a message.
What is this message?
That feeling bad because another is, doesn’t change the other person’s, or our world’s, circumstances. It doesn’t make it better. It doesn’t change the outcome. And, it sure as hell doesn’t make you feel better either.
Know, too, that no amount of suffering can take away another’s or our world’s.
I can absolutely attest to this. You see, when I was a kid, and my mom was struggling, I spent my high school years feeling her struggle. In some ways, subconsciously, I was trying to take away her pain. In other ways, I thought, again subconsciously, that if I took it on, I could change what happened to her.
But, guess what?
None of these had the resulting impact that I wanted them to have. They did make me feel worse, though.
And, with everything that’s going on in our world right now, you might be going through a similar experience. Maybe you’re thinking if you take something on that will alleviate another’s pain? Maybe you think that the more you worry or the more scared you feel, while you know that it won’t change anything, that doing so helps you feel in control, maybe even feeling like something can change as a result of this? And, let’s not forget another biggie – the guilt. After all, who are you to be feeling good at all when so many are suffering right now?
Trust me, I get it. For me, my version of this right now is feeling so good, and yet hiding this from others, as it feels super insensitive to put this out there. To put it bluntly, it feels selfish.
And, yet, we must recognize that we all have our paths. And, we all go through our challenging seasons of life. For me, so much of what happened to me through my mother’s sickness and death and the eventual healing of this, has paved the way for the deep joy I am feeling right now, joy that is independent of what is happening to another or our world.
As part of this, I had to clear many patterns, patterns that included:
- Where I take on another’s pain to make them feel better or because I think it will help or change the situation.
- Where I feel guilty or wrong for feeling good.
- Where I’m only allowed to have joy when others feel good.
Does this mean I don’t feel compassion for another or don’t want to help others that are struggling or suffering? Absolutely not. It is the recognition, though, that my feeling bad or good doesn’t change anything for anyone else in our world and that:
I am more able to help when I don’t sink my own ship because another is drowning.
With that, I want to leave you with two things:
- Know that, if you are struggling right now, I am the first person who will tell you to be where you, feel all of your feelings around it, allow it to take where you could otherwise not have gone, knowing on the other side, you will be able to handle the storms of life in a way you could not have previously imagined, a way that will set you free from the outer circumstances of life.
- On the flip side, if you are feeling good right now, know that this energy has the ability to lift and raise another and our world, and getting on the sinking ship does not stop the ship from going under.
To putting on your life vest first!
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