How Our Tears Lead to Increased Happiness and Presence
I want to talk about a question I’ve been getting a lot lately – about crying. I know, as a society, we’ve been conditioned not to cry, especially not in public, and even worse, that our tears are wrong.
But what if our tears are the key to releasing our pain?
And, what if every time you hold in your pain and don’t release it, you increase the odds of it happening again?
Let me explain.
When we’re kids, we have many difficult moments that happen, but unfortunately, with messages like, “Toughen up.”, “Get over it.”, “Crying is for babies.”, and even “Crying about it won’t get you anywhere.”, many times, there wasn’t the space or awareness for us to acknowledge and honor our feelings in that moment. This meant the only place for the emotion to go was in. This stored emotion in our body then becomes a magnetizer for this same experience to keep happening over and over, taking us out of presence, as there’s a little kid within each of us that wants our feelings from that initial moment acknowledged, and even deeper, may be subconsciously recreating similar moments to have this opportunity.
What’s an example of what this might have looked like in your childhood?
A couple of simple examples of this may include not fitting in or not getting attention. Unbeknownst to you, as an adult, you may either be recreating this same pattern or trying to create the opposite without much success.
So, how do we stop this cycle from happening over and over again?
We have to be proud of all of our feelings, even the “bad” ones.
We have to recognize that it’s okay to have more than one emotion, even if it’s painful, sad or difficult to have.
We have to feel all of it.
What does this take?
It means tuning in when you’re upset and asking why you’re upset. It means making time for your emotions, even if it’s hard. It means sitting with them, even when you’d rather do anything but.
If you noticing yourself resisting this, asking “Why?”, and even deeper, “What am I scared of feeling?” is key.
And, guess what?! As you start to acknowledge your feelings, so will others.
Even better, you’ll feel more alive, more open and more present, as it’s in the contrast, not outside of it, that we can truly access this with the knowing that:
[Tweet “Your only way out is in. Via @Deborahacker”]
And you are worth every drop.
To all of your feelings!